We're strangers when we meet
by Ann Smiley
Summary: Short snippets from Sam's POV of her first days at the SGC. She has to convince the men around her that she belongs and keep her relationship with one of them a secret. Samsurprise.


_Summary: Sam´s POV of her first days at the SGC. This is an AU, and she knows one of the men in the briefing room really well. It´s meant to be Sam/Surprise, but you´ve probably guessed the guy already. :-)_

_A/N: This was inspired by a story I found on Heliopolis, Reflections by Jeanine. It´s great, you should check it out!_

_Spoilers: Not only (vague) spoilers, but if you haven´t seen Children of the gods´ and The enemy within´, this will make no sense at all._

**We´re strangers when we meet**

I have to stop for a moment before I enter the briefing rom. Just to calm down. My heart´s beating so hard I almost think it might jump out of my chest, through the uniform. I hear the men inside and I have a feeling they´re talking about me. Their voices blend together but I know uncle George´s voice and of course his voice (and I really, really need to stop thinking of General Hammond as uncle George´). His voice…it sounds different, businesslike. Last time we saw each other we had a fight, no big deal, we´re none of us exactly what you´d call even-tempered but still…I wish we´d made up before today.

The airman who escorted me here is giving me a funny look. I´ve been standing here too long, maybe he thinks I´m afraid. Yeah, right! I can do this, and I can keep our secret, I just have to remember to avoid his eyes. I take a deep breath and open the door.

"She´s transferring from Washington, sir!"

How can I keep talking? How can he keep talking? Surely everyone in the room must have realized by now. I glance at the General but he´s just concentrating on the briefing. And my eyes go back to him again. His eyes, I don´t know how or why they make me feel like this, but I hope it never stops. Dark, glittering with amusement. I thought he was going to crawl over the table and grab me when I walked in. He loves this stupid uniform, as I recall. The one I wore that time he picked me up from work in Washington last time never recovered…thank god I never have to go back to that dry-cleaner.

---

I´m in the lab, trying to pick up what I need for the mission. It´s horribly ill-equipped, as soon as we get back things are going to change. Where´d I put the Geiger-counter again? It´s a bit bulky for my pack, but I´m not taking any chances.

"Got everything, Captain?"

"Sir!" Damn, he´s good. It´s that special ops training, I didn´t notice him until he stepped through the door.

"Or should I call you Doctor?"

"Mhm?" It´s not fair. I can´t be expected to form coherent sentences when he´s closing the door and walking slowly towards me. He looks perfectly calm. Now he´s right in front of me and he smells good and he just puts his hands on my arms. And all I can think about is the heat from his palms on my skin. He´s much too far away. I lean closer, rub my nose and then my lips against his cheek. Suddenly I feel him chuckle quietly.

"What?"

"…I could arm-wrestle you right now…?"

"Overdoing it?"

"You think? Lou nearly burst a vessel." He laughs again, then strokes my cheek, serious all of a sudden. "I never want us to fight again, Sam."

"Mm. That´s…not entirely realistic, is it?" I bury my nose against his neck and he puts his arms around me. I missed this so much this miserable last week it makes my chest hurt just to be near him again.

"I know. Just…if working here makes you happy, then I´m happy too. But I meant some of what I said last week. The things I saw last time…it´s pretty scary out there. I just want to keep you safe." He pulls me even tighter, as if the danger was here in the lab, trying to take me away from him. The he lets me go, kissing my temple.

"We´d better get ready, can´t keep the Colonel waiting."

I feel something heavy settling in my stomach. I´d managed to forget about the colonel with his hard eyes and contempt for scientist.

"I don´t think he likes me."

"Oh, don´t worry, O´Neill´s a teddy-bear."

"Really?"

"Uh, sure. Yeah… a teddy-bear…that´s, that´s Jack O´Neill in a nutshell."

"Charlie, you couldn´t lie to save your life. And that´s one of the many things I love about you."

I´m rewarded with a grin and the patented Kawalsky eyebrow-waggle.

"Come on, Captain, I´ll take you across the galaxy and back, after our mission of course."

"Oh, I´ll hold you to that, fly-boy!"

We´re barely out of the lab before we run into the afore-mentioned colonel.

"Kawalsky, Carter. We´re leaving in 15."

"Yes, sir!"

"You´re not thinking of bringing all those…thingies, are you, Carter."

"Sir, we don´t what shape the DHD is in. If the supraconductors aren´t…" Aaand he´s stopped listening already. Infuriating man!

"Fine, but if you bring it you carry it. I´ll see you in the gateroom and don´t keep us waiting."

Oh yeah, working with Colonel ONeill is going to be one long picnic. But I´ll be going through the gate and Charlie and I are alright again. I can take a hard-ass colonel under those circumstances.

---

I´ve been back at my house for ages now. I´ve showered, done laundry, started work on an algorithm to compensate for stellar drift, gone back into the shower to shave my legs – where is he? He was just going to check on Lou and then come to see me. Now I´m too wound up to do anything but wander around my house and think. Poor, poor dr Jackson…if Charlie…if anything…I need to stop thinking dammit. Was that the door?

"Sam!"

Finally!

"Sorry I took so long but I figured you skipped dinner like you always do, so I got us some Thai… mmph…never mind."

Yeah, definitely not thinking anymore, now. Just thinking that I feel good. Out of breath, but good. My heart is beating like mad again but that feels good, too. Or maybe it´s Charlie´s heart I´m feeling. It is in close proximity, after all. He tries to move, that´s not allowed.

"Don´t move."

"Sam, I´m gonna crush you."

"Feels good."

"Yeah, you feel good. " He turns to lie on his side. "And I kinda like you in one piece."

I can´t seem to get close enough. I bury my nose in his chest. Charlie´s running his fingers through my hair, slow, soft touches. It always makes me feel like I´m melting, even tonight. When he speaks it´s so quiet that I almost don´t hear.

"I love you, Sam."

That gets me every time. Charlie´s a bit of an action-over-words kind of guy. Not the type to declare his undying love when you leave the house to get milk and a paper. And that´s totally fine by me, because when he says something like that, I´m sure he means it. I move back a bit so I can look at him, touch his cheek, run my thumb over his lips.

"I love you, Charlie."

---

Dr Warner has left the room. There are guards outside the door but only one inside. Just seeing him strapped down makes me feel like someone´s taken a knife to my chest and twisted it. Charlie´s never still, he hates it. His eyes are closed but he´s not sleeping. When I come near he looks at me, the look of naked anguish in his eyes making me tear up even though I promised myself not to cry. He turns his head away from me. The invisible knife plunges even deeper.

"Please go, Sam. Please."

"Charlie, look at me." I touch his fingers and see him closing his eyes, tears running down his cheek.

"I hurt you, Sam. I could have… you could have… My head hurt and then I saw you on the elevator floor, you were so still. And it was me, because of me." I turn his head towards me, wiping the tears away.

"Listen to me, it wasn´t you. It was...that thing. And Dr Warner´s going to get it out of you. Teal´c is helping him find a way. Tomorrow your biggest worry will be what Colonel O´Neill will do when he finds out we already knew each other." He´s still not looking directly at me, I can tell he doesn´t believe me. I don´t really believe myself right now.

"I was gonna be the one to keep you safe, Sam." He swallows and looks into my eyes. "Forever, if you wanted me to."

I can´t say a word. I can´t even get air into my lungs. Forever was never in the cards for us. We´re both soldiers, when we fell in love he´d just come back from a suicide mission, narrowly defeating the odds. We took what we could get and didn´t let thoughts of the future get in the way. But hearing him now it hits me how much I really want it to be forever. What a thing to find out now, when I´m clutching his fingers because he´s restrained and can´t touch me. Then his eyes widen in panic.

"Oh, god! Sam, get away from me. Go NOW!"

When his eyes start to glow I´m already by the door. Dr Warner and SF:s are rushing into the room and no-one seems to notice me as I slip out.

---

And then I´m in the gateroom and he´s gone. And we´re in the briefing room and he´s gone. And General Hammond is asking Colonel ONeill about Charlie´s next of kin and it´s because Charlie´s gone and my chest hurts and I can´t seem to stop shaking. Because he´s gone.

"I think his ex-wife still lives in Chicago." General Hammond makes a note.

"He had a girlfriend." Lou looks at O´Neill who just shrugs. "It was serious. I can tell her."

"Very well, major" says General Hammond "I trust you to remember the classified nature of this operation."

"Of course, sir."

As the conversation turns to stepping up base security Lou looks at me. Across the briefing room table, like he did two days ago, Charlie beside him. They were smiling, then, teasing me like so many times before. I´ll probably never laugh again. I never want to see that damn stargate again. I want to punch Colonel O´Neill in the face for letting that thing take Charlie from me. I´m transferring out of here the minute my hands stop shaking enough that I can type out the request. I don´t care if they send me to fly milk runs in McMurdo. All I have left is an endless stretch of gray days without Charlie.

I try to sneak away without talking to Lou, because if someone says one kind thing to me now I know I´ll lose it. I´m almost at the elevator when he catches me.

"Carter, wait. " He casts a look around but it´s late now and the base is nearly empty. They were going to shut it down before, well before everything and even during the day it´s short-staffed.

"Sam, are you…look you shouldn´t be alone tonight. Linda won´t mind if you stay with us for a while. We´ll lock the kids in the garage, too. Give you a bit of peace and quiet, huh."

I manage a half-smile. I´ve experienced peace and quiet´ chez Ferretti.

"That´s sweet, Lou but I´m staying on base tonight. I just want to sleep and I have to see Dr Warner early tomorrow anyway, for my concussion." And then I guess we both think of how I got my concussion. The crushing weight on my chest comes back and I have to focus all my energy on not crying in the SCG corridor. Lou puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Sam, O´Neill´s a good CO, never doubt that. He looks after his people. But if he gives you any trouble I´d be glad to have you on my team. And not because of Charlie or anything but because I know you´re good at what you do."

"Thanks, Lou."

"I mean it. Just say the word and I´ll talk to the general."

We both hear footsteps and voices approaching and when Colonel ONeill and Dr Jackson turn the corner Lou had taken his arm from my shoulder and I´ve stepped back.

"Hey Lou, Carter."

"Sir!"

ONeill looks at me with his hard, black eyes and I hate him so much for loosing Charlie. Of course I know that it´s completely irrational, but I don´t care. It almost makes me feel better - hating, it´s doing something, you´re not helpless.

"You OK, Carter? Shouldn´t you be in bed…uh, you know, with your head…ah, headache."

"I´m fine, Sir. I was just going to get some sleep."

"Good. See you tomorrow, then. " He hesitates for a moment and I see something else in his eyes. Pain. He lost his friend today. And that´s when I know that I don´t really hate him, and I don´t really want a transfer. Leaving now would be like deserting Charlie somehow.

So, tomorrow I´ll go through the gate with my team. We´ll look for Dr Jackson´s wife and gather information about this new enemy. I´ll learn more about stellar drift and the strange crystals that make the DHD work. There´s lots of work to be done and I´ll need to work to help me deal with the pain. But he´ll still be gone. Forever.

End


End file.
